Narcissists unite on Facebook. I’ll say it once and I’ll say it again – I don’t care what you had for breakfast. Neither do most people.

Read more: “What Your ‘Cool’ Facebook Friend is Really Like”

Read the research: Narcissism on Facebook

Have you read the about the most recent “Scary privacy issue” on Facebook?  ”Details of 100 million Facebook users published online” details the latest of Facebook violating our privacy. Earlier this year, “Zuckerberg: I know that people don’t want privacy.” One thing after another, yet people stick around on Facebook. Why? Possibly because they don’t know of any other options. Let’s talk. I still very much want my privacy. That’s why I use BensonsLife.

BensonsLife is a superb alternative to Facebook. Not only is it safe – you have complete control over who can see your profile, and all default settings are the most protective of you as a user – but it’s also serving unmet needs for families and communities. No, this isn’t for college students, it’s not to share what you had for breakfast, or to “snoop” on any random person you used to know. It’s not about reconnecting with your long lost neighbor who you hardly knew even back in the day. It’s not about open social sharing. It’s about fostering stronger connections with people who matter in your life. Your family. Your close friends. And people in your active communities and groups.

BensonsLife is organized around your Circle (personal connections – family and close friends), who receive updates when you post a new picture or invite them to an event like a birthday party. These are relevant updates. The people you admit to your Circle are the only ones who receive your updates.

The BensonsLife Communities provide a safe platform that makes it easy to keep a group organized (to see how your group could use BensonsLife, check out the BensonsLife Groups Guide). With centralized tools for planning, communication and sharing, group management can now be a breeze. Plus, what’s nice is that there is no visibility across groups; meaning someone in my KC Strikers group can’t see my posts in my Fry Family group. Further, unless someone in one of my communities is also in my Circle, they will not see any of my personal information or pictures. There is a clean and distinct line between my family/close friends and my communities/groups.

Been thinking about leaving Facebook? Need an incentive? How about transitioning to a safe platform that respects your privacy and provides tools for safe sharing with your distinct social circles. It’s time.

CNET’s “Zuckerberg: I know that people don’t want privacy” article on Facebook’s lack of concern over privacy: http://news.cnet.com/8301-17852_3-10431741-71.html?tag=digg2

Read the Digg comments on the CNET article: http://digg.com/security/Facebook_s_Zuckerberg_I_know_that_people_don_t_want_privacy?OTC-ig

Thus, I’m making a resolution. One that I have already put into action:

“The next person who asks me to be a fan of some random contingency I care nothing about…you’re getting defriended.”

I’m serious! So serious that I’m keeping a running tally of those who have fallen off my bandwagon. No, I’m not into Facebook to collect friends, like some/most people. I’m in it for innocent stalking/snooping! Half kidding.. but for reals, I’m cleansing my list of “friends” – if you are my real friend, you’d know I don’t care about irrelevant fan groups, dumb applications and time-wasters. I have my own lengthy set of indulging time-wasters. Trolling Facebook isn’t one of them.

Thus, back to my defriending initiative. I may even extend it beyond irrelevant fan group requests and dumb applications. It probably will overfloweth into the “random posts to my wall” category as well. Don’t include me in a survey. Don’t include me in a list. Unless, of course, you want one less “friend.” Onward!

THE LIST (for the sake of anonymity, I’m using initials instead of real names). Also included is the reason for removal.

1. 2/26/10 KTC: Suggested I become a fan of “** FARMVILLE ** 25 FV CASH GLITCH ** GET IT BEFORE ITS FIXED!” — adios muchacho.
2. 3/14/10  AH: Tagged a photo of me in the album “Who stalks your profile” — then proceeded to comment on the “photo” – there is no album, no photo… just a “chain letter” type thing which I care nothing about — later.
3. 3/14/10: HMR: Suggested I become a fan of “Twilight New Moon! First 10,000 Fans Get a Free New Moon DVD!!!” – not gonna happen.

My sister and I opened the package, read their instructions, and looked at each other like “WTF?” – we thought it was just another crazy Californian thing, like the word “like” they sprinkled throughout their sentences, flip flops and capris that eventually breezed into KC. Thinking they might come in handy, we put them in a drawer and continued playing with whatever we were into at the time.

Years later, people at school started talking about Pogs. Turns out, it was a stroke of genius to keep those strange non-toys stashed away in a drawer (thanks, Mom). Overnight, my sister and I had the largest Pog collection this side of the Mississippi. Ok, slight exaggeration…but we – and our pogs – were pretty cool. We had so many slammers we needed carriers just for those. It was nuts, like Vegas in the 70s must have been. Anyhow, thanks to Pogs, I’ve always kept a keen eye on things coming to KC from the West. We may not “get it” immediately here, but after a few years, the trend will make its way over the river and through the woods, and soon become “the next big thing” here in Kansas City. Meanwhile, the newness to us is becoming passe in California. And so the cycle begins.

Back to Twitter. Twitter is like Pogs. Popular in larger cities and with the younger crowds, written up in NY Times, used by Obama’s campaign, referenced in CNN, etc, etc. It does have an application in life – keep your “followers” abreast of your latest happenings through short and pithy 140 character text messages. It’s fun, addictive, and come on, oh-so-trendy. You really can learn about news, events, parties, happy hours, friend gatherings, all that good stuff – from your friends and others in your community or areas of interest. But there is a tactful way to use Twitter. Below is my Guide to Twitter Newcomers on Twitter Etiquette…

Top 3 Ways NOT to use Twitter (read: 3 things that will quickly get you “unfollowed” by carfry):

1. Tell me what you’re eating for dinner. I really don’t care what you’re eating for dinner, unless, of course, you’re at a restaurant on an incredibly awful date or (insert hot actor’s name here) is dining there next to you. In either case, I’ll hustle down to take a look. But if you’re having meatloaf, enjoy your meatloaf and don’t Tweet about the tasty sauce. 

2. Cyber flirt/PDA. Enough cutsie-wootsie goes down in real life. That’s cute. Sharing your cutsie-wootsie with your Twitter network is not necessary; that’s a quick unfollow. Facebook flirting is bad enough – get a room, folks. Your friends may not mind the PDA in public (real life), but there’s no place for it online – unless, of course, it’s via email. That’s like getting a room on the Internet. Don’t send Tweets through your entire network of followers that could and should be sent just to your love; spare us all the deets.

3. Send @(insert Twitter follower name here) with one word responses. The @ in Twitter is used to send a Tweet to your entire network, but one that is directed to the “@” follower. So, if a friend shares a funny video link via Twitter, I may respond to them “@olbessy: great story! have you seen the youtube similar to that about texting for love? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dX3ws6OnGuE.” See, this is relevant.  And interesting. And funny. My whole Twitter network will receive the message and olbessy will feel special b/c my @ is a nod to them. Whereas, “@olbessy: ha!” – is this relevant? No. Interesting? No. Insightful? No. Funny? No. Then don’t share it. Good litmus test on what qualifies as a reputable Tweet.

Happy Tweeting!

Just a homemade fence, some hay...oh, and wind turbines!

Driving across Kansas today on my way back from Colorado, I actually had the opportunity (er, took the time) to stop and admire one of the cooler things about this state – the wind farm off I-70. Kansas may not be seen as a progressive state…well, in reality, who am I kidding. Evolution was banned from state assessments when I was in high school. Fortunately, some Kansans have evolved (others, however, still don GOP political stickers).

Anyhow…I thought I’d take a page from Michael Robinson Photography and upload some pictures to the carfry. Afterall, sometimes I just don’t have all that much to say. Ok, wait, I retract that. I generally ramble on and on…sometimes speaking as if an ellipse is required at every breath…as a way to tag more on…

It’s hard to really grasp the extent of this wind farm found just west of Salina, KS. For those of you not familiar with the geography, it’s just west of BFE. Set in the middle of rolling hills stand endless turbines…literally, it seems to go on for miles. And heck, it does! My dad calls it Windfarm, KS. The developer’s website claims it’s over 14,000 acres – that nears 22 square miles. 

Here are some (unedited) pictures for your viewing pleasure, taken with my lil’ point ‘n shoot.

Wind technology on the horizon...

Wavin the wheat

Much has changed in four months. My life has become pleasantly “complicated” – for one, I have decided to stop using my cell phone for phone conversations. And by “stop using” I really mean, heavily screen calls. I’m great about responding to texts and emails. However, the phone and it’s abundant source of radioactive transmissions has made me think twice. Despite “inconclusive evidence”, I don’t want to be a stat when/if conclusive evidence shows that having a signal transmitting device inches from the brain in fact does have some affect on health. That said, I’m taking a stand and trying desperately not to use my cell phone to talk. Instead, I’m finding a friend in Twitter.

Twitter and I go waaay back to the days in Dallas, summer 2007, my friend Jon Mick persuading me to sign up for this Twitter thing that seemed more annoying than beneficial. Though over time, I’ve found that condensing my verbose stories into 140 character pithy blasts to my family and friends is more exhilarating than a long blog post. Yes, exhilarating. Part of the fun is in the challenge of being concise; it’s also fun to browse through old updates just to see what I was up to “back in the day”… even more fun, perhaps, is convincing people in my realm that Twitter is actually worthwhile! If not to send their updates, but at least to keep up with carfry! I promise, I’m more enlightening than “Eating dinner.”   

Making things more complicated than technical details of my life, and moving offline….I’ve started adding more and more to my resume. I’m now officially the unofficial photographer’s assistant of the incredibly talented Michael Robinson. He takes phenomenal photographs of architecture and interiors – poignantly capturing the space of a space. Check out his work on his website Michael Robinson Photography.  One of many things I’ve learned working with him is that lights are HOT and may cause scalding of fingers, knuckles and in general, skin. I don’t know why Starbucks has a disclaimer written on their cups and yet these professional grade lights do not say: “Hey, hottie, these lights are hotter than you. So use some gloves. Or ask that annoying, unassuming guy over there to do it for you” (note: “annoying, unassuming guy” does not infer photographer). 

So that’s life in a nutshell. A nutshell without a voice calls; a nutshell with over 10 new voicemails on any given day; a very hot nutshell with bright lights. It gets complicated, and for that, we thank Facebook for the “It’s complicated” relationship status.

Currently my proudest playlist names are “Organic Banana” (for chill tracks) and Newish (for my new music I uploaded before going to Israel). These are accompanied by “On-the-go 1″, “On-the-go 2″ and “Why not” (named after the most boring cat-track on the mountain in Steamboat). Clearly, I struggle with this creative endeavor.

I have “Organic Banana” playing now as I multitask: eating lunch, chatting online, taking in the CO breeze and of course, writing this post. In the back of my mind, I’m still wondering why the hell the *dormant* alarm siren blared on and off from the hours of 2 am to 5 am this morning. I’m going to have some words with the alarm dude when and if he ever shows his face here this afternoon. I’m seriously considering greeting him with an air horn…right in his ear…every 30 seconds. That aside…

So as it seems, “Organic Banana” is going to be the soundtrack of summer 2008 in Steamboat. In the past (and I mean, waaaay back), songs/artists have been: Seal Kissed by a Rose, DMB and Concrete Blond – amongst others. And in the waaay back era, before TVs were embedded into headrests,  we’d always watch the Sound of Music on the epic drives to Colorado. And I’m not talking once in a while folks; this was a tradition (tradition!). Our parents required that “in-flight service” begin with Julie Andrews and the Von Trapps. And we never complained. A captive audience, my sister and I watched (or listened/slept) as the Sound of Music played on the small VHS tv propped on a table in the back of our mini-van, secured with bungee cords. Those bungee cords were scary at times, but this setup is clear evidence that our family was a boot-strapped early adopter of the automobile-television convergence.

The Sound of Music soundtrack was recently brought back as we watched the 40th Anniversary Edition a few nights ago. Boy did it bring back memories.  We didn’t watch the movie, just the interviews with the cast (40 years later, Julie still looks the same). And of course, the sing along at the Hollywood Bowl. What an awesome thing to see – the long lasting affects the musical had on so many people and families. It’s a classic and will always bring back memories (Dan, you picked the right audience!).

Music has that affect on the senses; I guess that’s why I always have it playing. It helps me form new memories, and keeps older ones alive. And yes, even Seal still gets some playing time for “old times sake.”

For me, this is big. Life is too short for many things, amongst those is changing your character or behavior because you think someone may be watching; someone may be judging. Well chances are, unless you are an A-list celeb, nobody’s watching (granted those who are watching may be judging, but that’s a risk I’m willing to take). Few if any people will even notice what you are up to, and fewer (again, if any) will even remember it the next minute, hour, day or more presumptuously, week later. People are too busy living their own lives to dwell on the actions of a complete stranger. Live life, it’s more exciting than watching it pass by. And I mean be silly, embrace the child in you, and stop worrying so much about what other people think. You’re just living your life in a square box…push the boundaries.

Of course, there are certain things that are not socially acceptable outside the confines of your own home (mental list running now). And then again, there are certain things that are perfect to conceal behind closed doors. Prime example, my bedroom. Kinky? No. Dirty? Yes.

When I come to Steamboat, for some reason all standards steep to a new low. Like showering on a daily basis. I know what you may be thinking: that’s so gross. Ok, well it is gross out of context. But the context here is that I rarely go into town and when I do, I rarely see anyone I know. And if I do, hell, I don’t really care what they think anyhow. So long as I don’t smell (that is a whole different standard), then I’m fine with waking up and chillin’ at the house, unchanged from yesterday aside from a clean shirt and maybe different shorts. Justification? Perhaps not. Am I going to change this? Doubtful. I also love that I can wear a tank and shorts anywhere I go without thinking twice.

Another “dirty deed” I do behind closed doors is evidenced by the state of my bedroom. In the safe-haven of SBS I don’t feel like I actually have to hide anything. So for days on end, I’ll have to look for that pair of shorts amongst my assortment of clothes littered about my room. To give you greater detail, I thought I’d give a little tour of what my room looks like now. Granted, it is only Day 4, and the worst has yet to come.

Keep in mind, none of the following has been tampered with for the purposes of this post, and it I’m referring to a 4 square foot space in my bedroom. Sitting on my bed, in my immediate line of sight, I see my blue North Face backpack from 1998 rested along the right wall; the clip at the end is touching the top and bottom to my bikini, which are shockingly within inches of each other, right next to my violet wife-beater. Clumped next to the backpack is a neatly folded navy Indiana U hoodie; touching that is a pair of salmon beach shorts. To the left of the backpack disaster area is a chair. I think it’s a comfy chair, but to my knowledge the only purpose it serves is to provide more surface area for me to toss things. It’s also much easier to collect from a chair, rather than having to bend all the way to the ground to retrieve something. On the seat of the chair is my striped blue Patagonia messenger bag with a reflective silver strip, a bright green casual tee is draped over the back – covering a pair of denim bermuda shorts – and a cute H&M brown bag is slung over the side. On the floor in front of the chair and slightly to the left is a wadded up gray t-shirt, adjoined to the Puma pants I wore on the drive out here on Thursday, which lead to a navy t-shirt overlapping a light blue pair of Adidas soccer shorts. Two feet to the left of this string of clothing is a black Nike sports bra, laying on top of a bright blue wife-beater from 2001, which are both 6 inches from a pair of navy Barca soccer shorts.

In sum, there is a ton of shit in the right quadrant of my room. But you know what, it doesn’t really bother me. At home, it would drive me nuts. But Steamboat is a place I’ve always loved because here I can kick back, relax, and let the worries of the “real world” fall by the wayside.

I guess what I’m saying is that everybody has their way of letting go, not taking things too seriously, and diverging from social norms. Life can become a repetitive pattern, and unless you add ways to keep it real, it’s gonna get boring. Don’t let it get boring. Don’t be square.